i woke up at 4:36 this morning to a fire engine driving past. in my sleepiness the street light looked incredibly orange. i was certain my house was on fire. it wasn’t. i’m fine. my house and cat and things are fine. i eventually realized i was too scared to fall back asleep and got up but not before i laid in bed for an hour and a half thinking of exactly what i would take if my house were really on fire.
1. put on clothes. 2. find a box. 3. put bouquet and all jewelry i can find in box. 3. grab garett’s laptop and hard drives. 4. get the last stuffed animal left from my childhood from the top of my closet. 5. put on shoes. 6. find car keys and purse. 7. grab cat. 8. rush out door and put everything in the car - make sure the cat is secure.
i need memorize this list. these are the things that are most important to me. everything else can be replaced. i can live without the rest.
it’s okay to be emotional. you are learning that one slowly, but keep yourself in check. if you’re having a rough day where you’re irritated with everyone and everything, go out of your way not to be selfish.do things that cheer you up but also be generous with the people around you as well. take time to do things others want and force yourself to try the things you are against. once you are feeling better, you’ll be less embarrassed about what a colossal jerk you were. plus, others will be more forgiving towards you.
you’re not a mean person, you just have a bad day sometimes. and that’s okay.
it’s okay to grieve and scream and cry and mourn and be VERY UPSET. things are rough right now. you don’t have to be calm and collected 100% of the time or even 65% of the time. just as long as you keep going and make some progress every day, you can give into how angry|hurt|sad|upset|frustrated|depressed|resentful|heartbroken you actually experience.
you’re doing your best. you really are.
give yourself space to feel.